Can't Let Go
by Happy2BeDee
Summary: With Nick trying to correct what he feels is a mistake and Amanda holding on, things get messy.
1. Chapter 1

**So this story came to me out of the blue and I had to write it because it wouldn't leave me alone. It's Rollaro…one shot? I have no idea, I'm truly just a slave to my creative urges so we may get a multi or this might be all, who knows. Anyway, Dick wolf owns the SVU characters. Enjoy, or don't I don't know.**

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"So what are we going to do now that all of this is behind us?" Amanda asked Nick as they sat in a corner booth in the back of the out of the way diner where they'd decided to meet for coffee

"I don't know, I'm just taking it one day at a time – and wait, "we"?"

"Well, yeah" she smiled, having slipped off her shoe and was now trailing her toes up his inner thigh. "I mean we are together now, I figure we outta be thinkin about our future accordingly?"

"Whoa!" he exclaimed, both from her statement and where her toes were now resting. He took hold of her petite foot and gingerly moved it away towards the floor. "Amanda…what we were doin; I think I may have given you the wrong idea and I apologize for not being clearer"

"Clearer on what? Nick what exactly are you sayin?" he could see the anger rising in her eyes and knew that he should choose his words carefully; but how do you carefully tell someone – a friend, that what she perceived as a budding relationship was to him, just a series of hookups?

"Look I care about you" he started as he touched her hand"

"Oh god!" She uttered as she pulled it away and tears filled her eyes.

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you"

"Spare me the rhetoric Nick; I get it!" she quickly swatted at the tears that were now rolling down her cheeks

"We both had a lot goin on and just needed a shoulder…I thought you understood that goin in"

"What I understand" she cried as she got up from the booth "Is that I let myself love you and you sit here and tell me that it was just sex?!"

"Amanda…"

"Here I was, thinking that I was special; and you were different!" she grabbed her purse and jacket and began walking away.

"Rollins, wait!"

"Fuck you!" she screamed without turning around, her vision blurred by the tears that wouldn't stop falling as she stepped out into the night air. She knew good and well what an upset like this would drive her to and she couldn't let that happen.

"I need a meeting" she admitted to herself and set off to find one.

...

Inside, Nick sat feeling terrible, hurting her wasn't what he wanted, but having gone through all of this nonsense with the Wilkes issue these last few weeks was a huge wakeup call to him; he had to get his life in order and sleeping with Amanda had been the wrong thing to do. He'd hurt her. And although he knew that she probably wanted nothing to do with him right now, he hoped that in the long run he wouldn't lose her as a friend.

...

Amanda walked in to the basement gymnasium of St. Anne's church just in time for the Gamblers anonymous meeting to start. Still visibly upset, she sat her purse and jacket down on one of the empty folding chairs that had been set up and walked over to the table on the other side of the space to pour herself a cup of coffee.

With a shaky hand, she picked up the coffeepot and slowly began to pour the steaming hot liquid into the Styrofoam cup she held in the other hand. when it was only halfway full, she returned the pot to its burner and forgoing and cream or sugar, she lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip, turning up her mouth at the too bitter, too burned taste. _Was there any such thing as good coffee at these meetings? _She wondered as she lowered the cup, her mind wandering back to just a half hour ago in the diner…

_We both had a lot goin on and just needed a shoulder…I thought you understood that goin in._

Was he serious? After all they'd gone through, everything she did for him? _I intimidate a fucking victim for get him out of prison, put my career in danger and this is what I get? 'I never meant to hurt you'? You are not getting away from me so easily Nick!_

And then came the memories; the way he'd smile, the way he looked, his touch… god, his touch! She could get lost in it; she often did, when Nick was inside her, nothing else mattered – not family problems, or addiction, or the job; none of the outside world meant anything when she was lying beside him, beneath him; he would take her so relentlessly. Never in her whole life had she had a lover like Nick; he understood her, understood her body and knew how to pleasure it in ways she'd never experienced- just the things he'd do with his fingers…

"I said can you pass the sugar" she heard a male voice say, startling her from her reverie. She quickly wiped her eyes and picked up the sugar container, turning around to hand it off.

"I'm sorry I was just… Nate?!" she said, surprised to see her former flame standing there.

"Hey Amanda; it's been a long time." He smiled as he looked her over. "You look good"

"You don't look so bad yourself Nate" she said in a sigh "Not at all."

...

Later that night in Amanda's apartment, in her bedroom...

"Ah, fuck baby!" Nate groaned as Amanda straddled his hips, riding him for dear life "I'm gonna… AHHHHH!" he yelled as he came hard, his fingers digging into her waist while he held her still and gave her every drop.

"What the fuck are you doing?" she yelled, pushing his hands away and getting off of him, his semi-limp penis falling against his stomach once it pulled out of her.

"What?" he asked as she lay back against the pillows and reach for a cigarette

"What? You don't make me come and you put a fucking load in me that's what! ARGH!" she growled "Why did I think this was a good idea?"

"Because you missed me?" he smiled

"Fin was right, you are a douche!" she said as she lit it and took a drag.

"But you love it" he said as he took the cigarette from her lips and took a long pull. Before handing it back to her.

"Nate, do me a favor…get the fuck out!" she demanded, wiping the smile from his face.

...

No sooner than she heard the front door shut, she stubbed out her cigarette, rolled over and picked up the phone to call Nick.

"Amaro"

"Nick…hey, it's Amanda" he was silent on the other end, not having expected for her to call. "So listen, I'm sitting her home alone and I was wonderin if maybe you wanted some company…I could come over"

"Um… Amanda I don't think that's a good idea in light of our talk tonight"

"I know but I just… I miss you" Nick was silent again "Nick just tell me what I did wrong, tell me what I need to change and I'll do it"

"Amanda stop. It's not you, alright? We let this…thing between us get out of hand and it was a bad idea."

"Thing? Is that all I was to you? a _thing_?"

"No; Rollins, you know you mean more to me than that."

"Do I? Is someone there? Is that why you don't want me to come over, you're already fucking someone else, is that what this was about?"

"You know that's not who I am."

"Really Nick? Because you had no problem fucking me while you're married to Maria! Who is it?" she demanded, fresh tears falling.

"I'm not doing this"

"Just tell me!" She screamed through her tears "I deserve that much!"

"Amanda, listen to me; there is no one else. I just have to do what I need to do to get my life in order."

"Why can't I be a part of it?" she sobbed. It saddened him to know that he was the cause of her pain and he paused for a brief moment to collect himself.

"You sound tired. Get some sleep, we'll talk more tomorrow." He said and hung up before she could say another word.

"Nick wait!" and began to cry harder when she realized that he had hung up. she quickly dialed back only to be sent straight to voicemail and she hung up without leaving a message, screaming in frustration as she threw the phone across the room and fell back against her pillows sobbing.

"We are not over until I say we're over!" she declared to herself out loud!

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**The end, or is it? K, bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**MOST F THE REVIEWS I GOT FOR THIS STORY WERE YOU GUYS NOT KNOWING WHO TO SIDE WITH HERE AND FEELING MUTUAL DISGUST WITH BOTH NICK AND AMANDA. WELL, YOU'LL PROBABLY FIND YOURSELF FEELING MORE OF THE SAME WITH THIS CHAPTER. SUDDENLY, THE STORY HAS DECIDED ON A DIRECTION AND SO I WRITE. DICK WOLF OWNS, ENJOY.**

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Six a.m. the following morning, Nick left his house to go for his morning run and was surprised to see Amanda standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Good morning" she said, startling him as he was locking the door and causing him to drop his keys.

"Damn it Rollins!" he exclaimed while trying to catch his breath, he wasn't angry, just surprised as he bent to pick up his keys.

"Sorry" she apologized as she ascended the stairs, staring at his shirtless, chiseled torso. "I'm here"

"For what?" he asked, his heart still pounding from the fright she'd given him.

"You said last night that we would talk more tomorrow... it's tomorrow."

"I didn't mean – don't you have to be at work?" he asked, hoping for an out.

"Not till noon" she smiled, never taking her eyes from him as she sipped her coffee "We gonna go inside or…?"

He paused for a moment, weighing his options and decided that the best thing would be to get it over with, sighing as he unlocked his door and pushed it open.

"Yeah; come on in." he said, already feeling as if he'd begun the day with a mistake as Rollins happily walked past him and into his home. this break would not be as clean as he'd hoped it would be.

...

"Are you hungry? I could whip up breakfast for you" Amanda offered once Nick was inside the house.

"No; I'm good" he said as he took a seat on the sofa, she quickly sat down beside him – close beside him, a bit too close for his taste so he got up and sat in the armchair.

"So what did you want to talk about?" she asked, giving him her full attention

"It's not that I wanted… I really thought that we said all we needed to say last night.

"At first, I'll admit that I just wanted to get as far away from you as I could in that moment. You hurt me"

"I know I did but Amanda, you have to know that it was never my intention to cause you pain. I care about you and I respect you, I just didn't know that you had gotten so deep into this thing we had."

"Thing…" she mused. "Nick, we were more than just a thing to me; we are more than just a thing"

"Amanda, we can still be friends but-"

"You said that you care about me and that you respect me?" she asked

"And I do"

"Then respect me enough to tell me the truth"

"I don't know what truth you're looking for" he said honestly

"Who is she?"

"She, who?"

"The other woman"

"There is no other woman!"

"Of course there is!" she yelled as she stood up "There's always the other woman; men only leave because of the other woman!"

"Amanda…"

"Just tell me" she begged "Is it someone I know?"

"Amanda…"

"It is, isn't it? Is it Olivia?"

"Olivia? What the hell… she's my boss!" he yelled, now annoyed and got up to walk away from her

"I'm not stupid Nick, I see the way you look at her!"

"This is insane!"

"Insane huh? Then why aren't you denying it?"

"Even if I did feel something for Olivia, she would never return it and it has nothing to do with this situation!"

"So is that it? You can't have her so you use me as a filler?"

"That's bullshit and you know it!"

'No, what I know is that I trusted you and you turned out to be just like every other man. I thought you were different… shame on me!" tears were falling freely down her face

"I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry that you feel used"

"Then stay!" she begged, throwing her arms around him and weeping. Unsure of what to do, he paused for a moment then deciding that a hug couldn't hurt, he reluctantly put his arms around her to comfort her.

"It's gonna be alright" he said "Just…" his words were cut short when she pressed her lips to his and kissed him.

"I love you Nick! Please don't do this, please!" she cried as he tried to pull her arms from around his neck.

"Amanda stop it!" he demanded as he continued to wrench her arms but she was stronger than he'd anticipated.

"Nick please!"

"STOP IT!" he yelled as he finally yanked her off, pushing her away and causing her to lose her footing and fall, hitting her face on the edge of the coffee table, horrifying Nick. "Oh my god!" he cried as he bent down to her and took her in his arms, his stomach tying itself in a knot.

"I'm ok" she said dully as she sat up and touched her fingers to her cheek.

"Let me see" he said as he gently moved her hand away from her face, angry with himself when he saw blood. "You're bleeding"

"It's just a scratch" she replied as he skimmed his fingertips over her cheekbone, she couldn't help but revel in his touch and in spite of the terrible throbbing pain in her face, she could feel herself moistening as she looked up into his eyes

"I'm so sorry" he sincerely apologized

"It was an accident" she said as she looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "Nick, Please – if we have to say goodbye… not like this, please. Just let me feel you one more time.

"Amanda…"

"Please, Nick" she knew that he wouldn't be able to refuse her while she was lying injured in his arms; an injury that he'd caused. He looked down at her for another moment before standing and helping her to her feet.

"It wouldn't be right" he refused, leaving her heartbroken

"So that's it?" she asked, more tears falling.

"I'm gonna get the first aid kit' he said after a brief pause

"You know what, don't bother! We don't need anything from you!" she said and turned to leave

"Wait, we?"

"It's what I had planned to tell you last night before you told me it was over… I'm pregnant."

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**So now I have 3 Rollins stories going all at once; so if you can't get enough of our favorite blonde detective, check out 'Hers To Bear' and "Over Her Head" anyway, thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'VE NEVER POSTED TWO UPDATES TO A STORY IN ONE DAY BUT THIS ONE SEEMS TO WANT TO BE WRITTEN QUICKLY SO I GOTTA OBEY THE URGE. DICK WOLF OWNS, ENJOY!**

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"What the hell was I thinking? Did I really just tell Nick that I'm pregnant?"She wondered as she made her way home after leaving Nick's place.

...

"_How long have you known?"_

"_A few days – I was late and decided to take a test"_

"_What did the doctor say? How far…"_

"_Three weeks" _

_Nick dragged his hand down his face, he couldn't believe what he was hearing._

"_A baby!"_

"_You're happy about this; right?"_

"_I don't know what I feel – it's all so… I mean I thought you were on the pill"_

"_I was… accidents happen" she reminded him as he sighed, hanging his head in his hands._

...

"He thinks he's going to be a father – how the hell am I gonna pull that off?" she asked herself out loud, knowing that she really messed up this time. "What's gonna happen in a few months when I should be showing?" but she just as quickly decided that she didn't care. Even though Nick was shocked, she knew that he would do the right thing once it all sank in and once he did, that would give her time – at least three months to make him love her and then once he did… well she'd work out those details when the time came but for now, she needed to work on convincing Nick to stay with her – not that he'd need much convincing.

"He's a good man, no worries!" she assured herself as she took a look in her rearview mirror at the huge bruise that covered one side of her face where she'd fallen onto the coffee table. "Totally worth looking like a DV victim!" she shrugged and continued driving.

...

At work she had to deal with stares and unasked questions from everyone who saw her face. Finally, after a couple hours, it was Olivia who decided to ask about it and called her into her office.

"Close the door please" Olivia instructed. Rollins did as she was asked before coming to stand in front of her superior.

"Somethin wrong Sarge?" Amanda asked innocently

"I can't help but be concerned about the cut and bruise on your face"

"Oh, that."

"Yeah, that" Olivia said as she took a seat on the edge of her desk. "What happened?"

"I fell." Amanda said blankly, quietly and not giving further explanation.

"That's it, you fell?" Olivia asked disbelievingly. "And the bruises to your wrists? You "fall" and get those too?"

"Liv, it's not what you think"

"Then please enlighten me; you've been moody, unfocused and secretive for months and today you walk in here looking like this. Do I need to pay someone a visit?"

"What? No, it's nothing, I promise… look, he didn't mean it, okay?" she could see the anger in Liv's eyes

"So someone did do this to you?"

"Liv"

"Amanda, I'm concerned. You oughta consider yourself lucky that it's me and not Fin asking or this would have escalated quickly. Are you in trouble?"

"No, I swear; it was just an accident… do you think I'd be so bold to walk into work looking like this if someone were beating me?"

"I guess you have a point."

"I do appreciate the concern, but I'm fine so stop worrying" Amanda assured her CO before getting up to leave."Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I… well it's kind of a personal question."

"How personal?"

'It's… I've noticed the way Nick…"

"The way Nick what?"

Amanda knew that she shouldn't be asking such a thing but right now, she wasn't thinking clearly.

"The way he looks at you, like he's… interested"

"What, Nick? No, that's…" Olivia was at a loss for words

"I thought you'd be flattered, he's a great catch"

"And a friend and I happen to be his boss"

"So even if he were interested?"

"It would never happen, now are we done talking about this because we have a ton of work to get to." Olivia said, ending the conversation.

"Yep, all done boss!" Amanda smiled as she walked out of Liv's office, even though it hurt her face to do so but still she was happy, Olivia wasn't the reason that Nick wanted to leave, she wasn't a threat. There was no reason for Amanda to be jealous or concerned – atl east not where her sergeant was concerned.

...

"Thank god!" she whispered to herself "This could've gone left real fast" she said as she again busied herself with her paperwork and thinking that this would be much easier than she thought.

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**Amanda, Amanda, Amanda… what are you doing?**


	4. Chapter 4

**So apparently we have fic thugs who think that they can bully and intimidate people into writing the way they want them to. I write what and how I want, you don't like it, don't read it! Everyone is fair game in my stories and I'm not going to spare Amanda because some of you have your panties in a bunch. Dick Wolf owns the SVU characters. enjoy.**

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After three weeks, things still hadn't shifted in Amanda's favor; Nick had become despondent over the news of his impending fatherhood that wasn't, trying even harder to avoid her while at the same time struggling with what he should do.

He would love and take responsibility for this child; there was no doubt in his mind about that but Amanda…she was another story. He cared about her, of course, but she was now expecting that they would make a life together and he didn't know if that would be the right thing to do under present circumstances; he hadn't even begun to figure out how he would explain this – any of it to Zara and once Maria found out… she was already determined to take Zara away from him and this would be the perfect catalyst to make him look like a cheating, irresponsible jerk in front of the judge.

At work things were tense between the two, away from work it was constant phone calls, unannounced visits and guilt trips that made the situation even more unbearable for Nick and leaving Amanda restless. If she had any hopes of getting closer to Nick it needed to happen now and there was no time to waste.

"So I've been thinking" she said in a hushed tone after having caught Nick by the elevators as he was on his way to interview a victim "Maybe this weekend we could do something…together"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, like maybe…dinner?"

"Yeah, we could do that. We should probably sit down and talk anyway"

"Okay" she smiled as the elevator doors opened. "Maybe we could even make it a family thing; us, your mom and Zara…tell them about the baby…"

"Wait, what?" he said as he put his hand in between the closing doors to stop them "Rollins, I'm not ready…for that yet"

"Well when will you be ready? When I'm showing and can't hide it anymore?"

"Will you keep your voice down?"

"Why? Nick this is happening whether you accept it or not so why don't you just accept it?" Amanda seethed, getting louder and more upset by the second

"I am…" he stopped when a fellow officer walked by, turning his head around to make sure the man had moved on before he began speaking again. "I am accepting it, I just need time; this isn't something I can just spring on my daughter, especially when she's already dealing with so much with me and her mother"

"Newsflash Nick, Zara is not your only concern anymore, you have to think about OUR child now too!"

"Really Amanda, here? You wanna have a shouting match in our workplace?"

"I don't give a damn where we are. I will not continue to let you ignore me!"people were now starting to pay attention, coming from the squad room to see what the disturbance in the hall was about.

"I'm not trying to ignore you; can we talk about this later, I have a victim to get to!" Nick's anger, on top of his embarrassment was threatening to get the best of him

"Anything to avoid me huh?"

"You know what, to hell with this, I'm out!" he said and turned to the staircase exit just in time to hear…

"Rollins, Amaro…NOW!" Olivia yelled from the squad room entrance, giving both detectives a death glare before walking away. Nick and Amanda stood speechless and gave each other accusing looks before following Olivia to her office.

…

"You two wanna tell me what the hell is going on?" Olivia asked, making no effort to hide her anger.

"Not really" Amanda grumbled

"Excuse me?"

"I said, not really" The blonde spoke up, noticeably louder this time. Nick turned and gave her a look from where he sat

"Tread carefully Rollins" Olivia warned

"You're my boss but that doesn't give you the right to know every detail of my personal life!" Amanda yelled angrily as she stood up from her seat. Olivia, having had it with Amanda's antics quickly got in the young detective's face.

"Guess what sweetheart? It does when you bring it into my squad room!"

"Liv; sarge, we're sorry, it won't happen again" Nick quickly apologized

"You're damn right it won't because I am telling you both, whatever the hell's been going on between you two, ends now! I've got enough on my plate without 1PP being on my ass over this!"

"You're right and I'm sorry" Nick apologized again "The last thing I want is to cause trouble for you"

"For _her? _are you kidding me?"

"Rollins…"Nick called

"No! You don't want to cause trouble for her but what about the trouble you've caused me?"

"This is not the place!" Nick warned

"To hell with this; 24 hours! I'm giving you 24 hours to man the fuck up or I go to the brass myself and I don't give a shit about getting either of your asses in hot water!" she screamed and stormed out of Olivia's office, slamming the door and continuing out of the squad room just as angrily, all eyes on her.

"What was that?" Olivia wondered aloud, looking at Nick who stood dragging his hand down his face

"That was my life spinning out of control. Liv, we need to talk." He confessed to his superior and again took a seat.

…

A few hours later, Amanda slowly opened her eyes, startled to find a strange woman who she didn't recognize, staring down at her.

"You're awake" The woman exclaimed

"Who are you and where am I?" Amanda asked groggily as she made an attempt to sit up but the pain in her head forced her back down.

"I'm Vicky, your nurse, you're in the hospital."

"Hospital?"

"You crashed your car into a pole, you've been unconscious for the last three hours. Do you know what day it is?" the nurse asked

"Um…Tuesday I, I think" Amanda replied. Her head felt like it was splitting open.

"That's right" the nurse smiled "What about your name?"

Amanda groaned before answering as she held her head "A-manda…Rollins. Could I please have something for my head?"

"Of course. We'll get you something that's safe for the baby"

"What are you talking about?" she asked, unsure if she'd heard correctly

"You were unconscious when they brought you in so we drew blood to check for alcohol and ran some tests to determine treatment. Your blood test came back positive for pregnancy; hormone levels suggest you're about three weeks along. Congratulations, I'll send the doctor right in." she smiled and left the room.

"Well I'll be damned!" Amanda grinned to herself in spite of the pain she was in "There's a little pea in the pod after all…even if it is Nate's…but that'll be my little secret!" her luck was finally changing!

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**See you all next time.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Did not realize that I'd let five months pass without updating this story. To be perfectly honest, I'd forgotten about it but here's chapter five. Not much to say, thanks to those of you who have been supportive and I hope are still reading. We pick up where we left off. Dick Wolf owns the SVU characters. People, it's FICTION! Enjoy.**

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**Reader reviews**

Guest chapter 4 . Aug 30, 2014

Just wanted to leave a little note to say don't worry about the haters. I mean, don't get me wrong, I adore Amanda, so obviously this story isn't exactly my cup of tea, but it's yours to do what you want with. And you have some other great stories that are very positive for Amanda and I love those :) – **Thank you, I appreciate the support.**

SouthernBelle843 chapter 4 . Aug 30, 2014

Lol you said "google it!" Anywho…this chapter was the bomb like always. Still pissed that you killed Casey in normal for the spider but, whatever I love you anyways and I won't hold that against you. So like will Fin be in this fic at all? Just like a small appearance or something? just Curious? **Thanks babe, Fin will be included, just took a while to work him in. :)**

Saradawn723 chapter 4 . Aug 30, 2014

Haha fucking haters...screw em. Anyways...Amanda is a fucking nut job. I'm happy nick told liv about this so maybe she can help rain in this psycho. And god dammit she really is pregnant?! Fucking hell. – **Lmao, screw em indeed! But just remember, Nate the daddy!**

Guest chapter 4 . Aug 29, 2014

Please continue writing this fic the way you originally planned and don't let haters deter you from it. I'm still hoping something blossoms between Olivia and and Nick, but either way I can't wait for what's next. – **Thank you. Not sure about a Bensaro romance for this one, but hey, you never know where the story might lead.**

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Olivia sat at her desk, her head between her hands as she massaged her temples. Nick's little confession had thrown her for a loop to say the least and she now sat trying to process it.

"Liv... Please say something" Nick begged. He felt like a child who was awaiting punishment for a bad deed - not that a baby was a bad thing but the situation surrounding it...

"And what exactly would you have me say?" She uttered, unable to even look him in the eye but forcing herself to avert her gaze from her laptop keyboard and do just that. "Nick...I don't even know where to begin with this!"

"I screwed up"

"You went beyond screwing up – there's a reason for the no fraternization policy, you know? This is the last thing you need after this mess with Wilkes"

"I know, I know, I just...we were both at a bad place and it just happened. I tried to break it off, ket her down easy but… I blame myself, I should never have let it go so far"

"1PP is gonna have a field day with this"

"You're gonna disclose?"

"Nick, I have to; and I'm also requesting to have Rollins transferred"

"Because of this?"

"No, Nick, because of her insubordination. You know how much trouble I've had with her these last few months and now today, her blatant show of disrespect to her squad and commanding officer… whatever the hell is going on between the two of you is between the two of you – and now 1PP but when she comes into my squad room, my office and dumps her issues in my lap, verbally attacks me... I'm over it."

"Liv, I understand that you have to do what you have to do as far as disclosing to the brass but please, just let me talk to Rollins before you make the move to get rid of her"

"Nick…"

"Look, 1PP will most likely move one or both of us out anyway, the point is, she's not herself right now"

"Nick I get it, I do. She's carrying your child and you feel a responsibility towards her… but I don't. She's out of here. Take the rest of the day."

She meant every word as she picked up the receiver from her desk phone and began dialing. Nick let out a deep sigh, his eyes cast downward as he left the office and shut the door behind him. Olivia, even in her anger over the situation, that her detectives had been so careless as to land themselves and her n such a situation and with wanting to wash her hands of Rollins, she still felt the need to protect them both and wanted to soften the blow of the inevitable fallout. It was with this in mind that when she began dialing, her fingers punched in the number of the one person she knew that in spite of his no-nonsense exterior would be an ally in helping this go over much easier with the brass and listened nervously as the phone rang in her ear, her breath catching when he finally answered.

"Sergeant Benson, what a pleasant surprise." He quipped in his usual stone-faced manner.

"Lieutenant Tucker. I hate to have to call you under these circumstances but I need to meet with you."

... ... ...

In the squad room, Fin walked in as Nick was preparing to leave …

"I hate court!" Fin announced grumpily "Liv in?"

"Busy" Nick answered, wondering if he should just tell Fin what was going on

"Who died?" Fin asked sarcastically, noticing Nick's melancholy appearance.

"Look, you're gonna hear about this anyway so it might as well be from me" Nick began but was sidetracked when his phone rang "Hold on, man… Amaro" he answered

"Is this detective _Nick_ Amaro?" the woman's voice asked from the other end.

"Yeah, who's this?"

"My name is Kate Smithers, I'm calling from Mercy hospital"

"Mercy? How can I help you?"

"I'm calling on behalf of my patient, Amanda Rollins, she's been in a car accident-" Nick felt his heart drop

"Car accident…is the baby alright?"

"They're both fine, Amanda's pretty banged up and frightened, she asked that I call-"

"I'm on my way!" Nick said with all urgency as he ran out of the squad room, leaving Fin wondering what the call had been about.

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**More to come.**


	6. Chapter 6

**So here's the deal, I got tired of writing this one, especially after my stroke but I didn't wanna leave it undone so I added two more chapters to wrap things up but I tried not to make it corny with it ending so fast so if it is, please excuse me. SVU characters belong to Dick Wolf, enjoy!**

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"Excuse me, I'm looking for Amanda Rollins" Nick said with all intensity as he approached the nurses station of the hospital.

"Are you Detective Amaro? She's been asking for you"

Nick followed the nurse down the hall. After a moment they came to Amanda's room.

"She's in here detective, keep the visit brief and stress free. I'll give you two some privacy."

"Thank you." He said. The nurse walked away and Nick took a minute before he went in. Inside the room, Amanda looked to the door and could see through the glass panel that Nick was outside and decided to play it up. As Nick walked in, she pretended to be asleep.

"Amanda..."

"Nick! You're here!"

"I tried to get here as fast as I could" he took the chair in the room and pulled it up to the side of the bed before taking a seat and caressing her face, an immediate sense of thankfulness washing over him. "I wish you hadn't left so angry. What were you thinking?"

"I just needed to get away, I just..." She started the fake tears. "You were all coming down on me so hard and I just couldn't take it, I..."

"It's okay, that's not important. The important thing is you're alright. Don't ever scare me like that again." And he took her hand in his.

"You're really here" she continued with her phony tears, fighting to keep from smiling because she knew she had him.

"Amanda, whatever happens between us I'm always gonna be here for this little one...always" he rubbed her stomach to solidify those words and she took that as the moment strike and took in and blew out a shallow, painful sounding breath.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry" He asked in a panicked voice. "Do you need me to call the doctor?"

"I'm okay, I just...cracked ribs." She lied. While she had acquired _bruised_ ribs, they were thankfully far from cracked.

"What? Amanda, have they given you an ultrasound?" He said looking around.

"Nick it's fine, they took care of everything and we're fine! I'm just glad you're here...will you stay with me?"

"I'd like to but I can't, the nurse said I should keep it brief, but I'll be back later, I promise."

"But..."

"It's okay..." He stroked the top of her head. "I'll be back."

"You promise?"

"I promise. Get so one sleep." He said before leaving. Not seeing the smile of accomplishment on her face. He arrived to the empty nurses station and leaned over it, cursing his luck before he went storming out.

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At the precinct, Tucker was arriving at Liv's office when Fin stopped her.

"What is he doing here?" He whispered.

"...I called him." She answered.

"You called him? For what?"

"Because we have a situation... Excuse me." She said before going into her office and shutting the door, leaving Fin perplexed.

"Sorry about that." Olivia said as she took a seat at her desk.

"You said there was a problem?" Tucker asked

"There is; two things. We have an office...thing happening"

... ... ...

As Nicked walked into the squad room looking to talk to Liv, Fin was at his desk doing paperwork.

"Hey" he greeted.

"What are you doing here, Liv said she gave you the day" Fin said.

"She in her office?"

"Yeah"

Nick started to walk toward the office.

"With Tucker."

"Shit!" Nick cursed.

"Shit?"

"That thing I wanted to talk to you about..."

"Tucker's here because of you?"

"Yeah..."

"Not here, cribs!" Fin said and they walked off.

... ... ...

"And you had no idea about this?" Tucker said

"Until today, no. Apparently, it's been over for some time but Nick has had some...trouble ending it and Rollins took it upon herself to let me have it."

"Alright. I'll handle it." He stated and got up to leave.

"That's it?" Olivia asked as she stood up to walk him out.

"You wanted me to handle it, I got it. Anything else Sergeant?"

"Uh...no" She said with a worried look.

"Then if there's no further business; look, you did the right thing, don't be so hard on yourself!"

"Easier said than done."

"By the way, where are your detectives?"

"I gave Amaro the rest of the day off, Rollins, it's anybody's guess." Tucker clenched his jaw, obviously annoyed but shook it off.

... ... ...

Just as Tucker stepped out of Olivia's office, Nick and Fin were coming back from the cribs, both of them looking distressed with Nick sporting a new bruise to his cheek.

"Sorry about your face, I just sorta reacted." Fin apologized

"It's nothing, don't worry about- Lieutenant Tucker, Sir." Nick said, jumping to attention.

"You know Amaro, I'm getting real tired of seeing you in my office, but fortunate for me, I don't have the time today. First thing tomorrow, be there."

"Yes sir."

"And don't be late! Detective." He said, greeting Fin on his way out.

"Lieutenant." Fin acknowledged. The two detectives stood there silently and watched him leave before they spoke again.

"I think I like getting punched in the face better." Nick said when Olivia came out of her office.

"Nick, what are you doing back here?"

"I uh, I came to talk to you but Tucker was in your office and..."

"Yeah, Nick I'm sorry about that but with the situation..."

"Liv it's okay. I don't fault you for any of this...I screwed up and I'm sorry, both of you."

"Forget it man, we good." Fin assured him.

"What did Tucker say?" Olivia asked.

"He wants to see me bright and early tomorrow."

"Nick...*

"Liv relax, you did what you had to do."

... ... ...

At the hospital Amanda was getting checked out by the nurse.

"Okay" she said removing the blood pressure cuff. "Vitals look good."

"Does this mean I can go home?"

"Given there are no problems, and the baby is okay, you can leave tomorrow."

As they were in the room talking, Nate was passing by on his way out. He had come to see his sister who'd just had a baby and was leaving but with Amanda's door slightly ajar, he caught her voice and thought that it sounded a lot like her so her stopped to listen.

"Vicky, just for sake's sake this being my first baby and all, about how long would it be before I start showing?"

"Well it depends on a lot of things; if you're tall or short, if your uterus is tilted front or back, how the baby is lying; generally about four to five months for a singleton but you're only three weeks so thankfully you've got a lot time.

"Yeah, I guess I do."

"I'll see you later, rounds to make!" She smiled as she left.

"Thanks Vicky." As Vicky left Amanda settled in to get some sleep, that smile of complacency ever on her face as she rubbed her still flat stomach.

"You are just about the best timed thing." She said as she closed her eyes as Nate walked in a shut the door. "Nick, you're ba- what the hell are you doing here?"

"Is that my baby?" Nate seethed.

"What?"

"Is that my baby?"

"I don't know what you're-"

"Cut the bullshit Amanda!"

"Of course it isn't, why would you think-"

"I heard the nurse, you're three weeks pregnant!"

"Nick and I-"

"You're a fucking liar! Do you think I can't count? Three weeks ago Nick broke up with you and you came to me!"

"That doesn't mean anything? We had sex once cuz I was feeling down, so what?"

"So what? Are you kidding me? We didn't use a condom and I came inside you...three weeks ago and now you're pregnant?" She suddenly grew quiet.

"Amanda, tell me you didn't!" Fin said. He had come to check on her only to be met with Nate's questions.

"Fin..." She nervously looked back and forth between the two. "How did you... I don't know what you... It's not true!"

"Amanda"

"IT'S NOT TRUE!" She screamed and started to cry silently.

"I'll wait outside!" Nate steamed

"You know what? Why don't you wait at home, you got what you came for, work it out later." Fin said and bumrushed him out the door then turned to Amanda who was still in tears.

"He doesn't know what he's talking about, this IS Nick's baby!"

"What did you do? Do you even realize the trouble you're in; the trouble Nick's in?"

"I am not three weeks pregnant, I am six. Fin, this is all a misunderstanding." She cried.

"Amanda stop, this is serious! You're in a shitload of trouble with IAB. Whatever is going on in your head you need to shake it out and get with it. Nick's ready to change everything for you Amanda; and I defended you!"

"Fin, it's a mistake" she continued crying

"Amanda this is me...you gonna look 'me' in the eye and lie to 'me'?" That's when she broke down and really let go. Fin held her in his arms and let her get it out.

"I just wanted... He was going to leave me and I... I didn't know what else... Fin I didn't know what to do!"

"It's gonna be alright" he said as he held her and let her cry.

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At the precinct, Nick was stepping out when Nate approached him.

"Just the man I'm looking for!" He said

"Do I...Nate right? What the hell do you want?"

"Came to clear something up"

"Oh yeah? And just what could you possible have to clear up for me?"

"Amanda"

"Amanda?"

"That baby she's carrying? The one she told you was yours, well you're off the hook"

"What do you mean 'off the hook'?"

"She's only three weeks pregnant, I heard the nurse confirm it at the hospital and I confronted her on it." Nick stood there in a state of shock, unable to even speak and he just stared at Nate.

"Your welcome." And we walked off leaving Nick standing there totally blown away.

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**Next chapter is the last. Review if you want.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's the final chapter. Not much to say, sorry for the length. Dick Wolf owns.**

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"You lied to me?"

"Nick..." she cried as he stormed into the hospital room.

"I've been going crazy over this for weeks and the whole time, you were lying to me?" He seethed as he ran his hand through his hair, pulling. "I've been thinking of how to tell our boss that we messed up, how to tell my mom...my daughter and you were lying the whole time?"

"I didn't know what else to do!" She said, still in tears "you were trying to leave and I…"

"So you lied to me? I just barely saved my ass after this whole Wilkes thing and you just put it right back in the fire...you put us both in the fire; Liv told Tucker, he knows!"

"I just wanted you to give me another chance; I just wanted-"

"I can't believe you! Even now, you make excuses for what you've done!"

"We can fix it!" she cried.

"Fix it? Are you insane, how are we going to fix this? What, you'll just go to IAB and tell them you lied...go to Liv and say you're sorry for all the shit you said when she was just doin her job? You can't just undo this, IAB is gonna...you can't undo this!"

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**6 months later…**

It turned out to be a good thing that Olivia called Tucker that day to handle the situation with Nick and Amanda because surprisingly, he handled it in a way that allowed both officers to keep their jobs, though Amanda was regretfully moved from SVU and given an administrative job. After 3 months away due to a miscarriage, she's now trying to work her way back, hoping to transfer to Brooklyn SVU when she does.

As for Nick, he stayed at SVU and after a 2 month suspension he was allowed back to work. Both of them were put on probation and told that the next time either of them messed up would be the last.

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**I'm sorry, I really wanted to make this story better and longer but I just been bored with it for so long. I hope this wrap up won't make anybody too mad but feel free to enjoy my others.**


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